Hamilmania

One day I stumbled across this:

And it stuck in my head.  I rewatched it a lot before realizing it was now part of a bigger Broadway show:

Then I bought the soundtrack.

Then I memorized the soundtrack.

Then I read the biography the show is based on.  (Well, I'm still reading it.  It's 700 pages.  I'm about halfway.)

At some point in here I learned cousin A is also obsessed with the ten dollar founding father without a father.

And then tonight:

Me:  They're supposed to be making a movie with the original cast.

A:  Really?!  That's great.  I've been trying to find a bootleg copy online.

Me:  Yeah they want to do it while the original cast is there, since their contracts end in July and they'll all start moving on.

A:  Yeah.

Me: ... That's why I got our tickets for June.

As fun as the trip will be, and as much as I can't wait to see Lin Manuel Miranda do his thing on stage, this 20 seconds will still be my favorite.

Love, J

I want to grow food and stuff

Farmhouse painting by Nancy Tobin

I am on such an agrarian bender right now that it's begun interfering with the rest of my life.

What's that?

There is housework to do? Meals to make? Business stuff to square away?

So sorry, I'm too busy sitting amongst my pumpkins, daydreaming about what it would be like if the patch were an acre rather than 20 square feet. And maybe bordered by a stream on one side. With a white farmhouse in the distance, short in stature, long in charm. Wrap-around porch with a swing; cozy fireplace(s); clawfoot tub; root cellar.

Mmmmm... root cellar...

The end of summer and harvest time always pushes my gaze toward the fields like this, but the attraction is stronger than usual this year. And it is apparently contagious, because I only had to mention it once and the hubs immediately seized the idea and has spent parts of two weekends now driving me around to his favorite little satellite communities, scouting for good candidates.

"Good candidate" = All of the aforementioned charm on 5ish acres, not *too* far out.

Room for a mega berry patch of blue; rasp; black; and straw. Space to grow some Christmas trees and enough corn, potatoes, onions, garlic, squash, to make us through the hungry gap.

Chickens.

Maybe some rescued sheep and a pair of donkeys? (Though maybe not. I'm still pondering whether I'd be cool with having outside animals. I really need to have all my little buddies tucked in the house safe and sound after dark.)

A while longer in town and just maybe I can build a little business that will travel with me into the hills and off into the fields.

Or I may still land some lame desk job and life will take a different course.

?

Until then I will continue to enjoy and be grateful for my own little patch of Earth.

Love, J

PS ~ Speaking of my little company, it's pretty much up and running! I'm due to get my big shipment of jars this week, and then will be a canning maniac, filling as many jars as possible until the first frost ends bean season. (Cross your fingers for me that's at least a couple of weeks, more would be great.) Pictures to follow!

What I've been making

Besides the batches of soup I've been slow-cooking using the massive tomato harvest we pull in every few days, I haven't been making much of anything except money the past two months. Not a lot of money, but enough to start a dent in my student loans, which feels very good. At least state school tuition is kind. Can you imagine if Stanford had accepted my application?!

Anyhow, the holiday season upon us.* And with colder weather comes all sorts of reasons to make a lot of great stuff. Gifts, food, parties. Lots of big times await, my friends. And I have every intent to go BIG this year, since last year I was in such a study-fog and felt like I was robbed of the whole season. After I took the bar in February, I even considered going home and pulling out Christmas movies, so I could catch up and get my fill of the magic. In the end, they stayed put in their red and green boxes in the basement, which means I have two year's worth of energy and holiday joy to expend in the next few months!

Love, J

* My "holiday season" officially kicks off whenever I choose my Halloween costume, which I did just the other day. This year: ninja.**

** This choice is always subject to change, if something better comes along.

New resolve

A couple of years ago, I was riding bus 43 home from school on a way-too-stereotypical dreary Seattle afternoon. I was zoning out, watching the raindrops wander down my window, when a woman boarded the bus and sat across from the back door. She had a bulky raincoat on and no makeup, but she was a knockout. Like, movie star pretty. I forgot about her until a while later when I pulled the cord and went to stand by the door to wait for the bus to stop. Before I knew I was talking out loud, I suddenly and clumsily told her I thought she was beautiful.

And even though it was probably very weird to hear that from a random, crazy bus passenger, she lit up. She said she'd been having an awful day, and that hearing that made her feel totally better.

Saying it made my day better too. I was happy for hours afterward, thinking about the look on her face after she heard my awkward and sort-of inappropriate compliment.

I began to do this each time I saw a pretty lady on the bus and was feeling bold. And only once did a woman squirm and mutter a 'thanks' without making eye contact with me (which is the reaction I would have expected from all normal people before I took up my new compliment hobby). To my pleasant surprise, all of the rest overlooked the oddness of the exchange and enthusiastically accepted my words in the sincere spirit in which they were offered.

One more example before I get to my point: This spring the hubs brought home a gorgeous bouquet from Pike Place Market. You know the giant sprays that you need 2 hands to carry and are all wrapped in brown paper the way you imagine flowers were sold 100 years ago? So it was lovely, but the next day we left for a 5-day road trip, and I knew the flowers would be all wilted by the time we got back. After we loaded up the car, I wrapped the bouquet back in its paper and took it to the park across the street from our house and offered it to the first person I came to.

This lady acted like I was giving her one of those big bank bags of money with the giant dollar sign on them. She said she had finished her first marathon that morning and then took her kids straight to the park to play, and hadn't done anything to celebrate. And then she gave me a hug. Freakin' Hallmark moment right there.

My resolution is to make people smile in 2010.

So this year, I will:

~ Make (and sometimes probably buy) and wrap one gift a month, and then go out into the world and give it to a stranger.

~ Do something a little bit extra each week to reach out to someone else.

~ Volunteer somewhere that needs me (this one I am postponing until after my test).

And I will keep track of my progress here, in hopes that I can make you smile too.

One more time, Happy New Year,

Love, J

A great, big day

I spent my weekend being quite proud of the guy I married.


I think his mom feels the same way.


And he got a special award, to boot. 'Top Physical Fitness' for his academy class. The guy who presented the award referred to him as a 'rabbit.' Being very fond of rabbits, I consider that a major compliment.

He starts work with his department tomorrow!

Love, J

Failure

A week ago, I almost wrote an entry on law school and how it had cured me of my pride. How every other student in my class had traveled extensively, had great careers and multiple post-graduate degrees, and were more worldly and well-spoken than I could hope to be if I lived 3 lifetimes. And how after spending my life at the top of my class, being at the bottom gave me much needed perspective and humility.

This week when I found out that I failed the bar exam, I realized that law school had not humbled me a bit.

I know this because I opened my mailbox on Monday with as much hubris as I've ever had, fully expecting the letter to begin with 'congratulations,' and not, 'we regret to inform you.' Even after spending three years at a school full of people who are smarter, more talented, and harder workers than I will ever be, I still was stuck up enough to assume I would be one of those who passed the test.

Because most people do pass. This year there was an exceptionally low pass-rate, and it was still something up near 70%. And also, because I studied. Really, really studied hard. I have never tried so hard at something and then failed so utterly.

When I called my exam prep school yesterday to ask what I should do next, the woman I spoke with looked up my file and said, 'Oh. Your practice essays were well within the average - I wonder what happened?'

Yeah, lady, you and me both.

And I wasn't even close to squeaking by, either. If you score within a certain margin and still fail, the bar association lets you appeal the decision. I wasn't even near the appealable range. My scores were so low, it would be almost funny, if it weren't so heartbreaking. I mean, I really tanked.

And so now I start all over again. I'm going to give myself until Monday to nurse my ego and overcome my denial, and then it's back to outlining and flashcards and essays until the next exam at the end of February. Oh, it makes me sick just thinking about it - it was all supposed to be OVER when I opened that letter, not about to begin again.

But mostly I am dreading it because now I am truly humbled. And while my ego may not have helped me pass the exam, it certainly kept me going while I studied over the summer. Every time I'd run out of steam, I'd think, 'All you have to do is keep going. Of course you will pass if you just put in the time and give it 100%.'

And then even after giving that 100%, I came up way short.

So what am I supposed to say to myself when I get worn out and run down while studying this time around?

Oh, I'm sure there's a lesson in this. But I'm still too freshly stung to see it.

Love, J

October resolution

Six months ago, I was convinced that the second I finished the bar, my yoga practice would flourish. Once I no longer had homework to compete for my attentions, I reasoned, of course I would focus more completely on my practice. This has not been the case. It turns out that all of the fun, frivolous activities I now have to choose from are actually way more distracting than outlining and brief writing ever were.

I am still getting on the mat occasionally, but more often I succumb to the call of any/all of the following:

Art being made (or copied, rather, from a pretty piece I spotted in Auntie Mary's home).

Tomatoes waiting to be turned into chili.

Just the sweetest little crochet I've had my hands on in ages. Pattern here.
(Though I've simplified it lots to suit my appreciation for the straightforward.)

A lonely first chapter wishing I would write a second to keep it company.

Yes, I've read this almost every summer since I was 15, and no, I'm not exactly in its target demographic. But I love it, nonetheless.

I love all of these things and am so glad that I finally have time to spend with them. I mean seriously, I'm reading novels again. I was sure that day would never come. But I do miss my practice. So tomorrow, I begin with a renewed commitment. 31 straight days of time on my mat. A new season, a new start.


I am ready.

Love, J

Long time reader, first time blogger

Birthday Bunny for Laura

Tonight, I blog. I've been closely following about 10 different blogs for the past year or so, ever since I realized what a great way it is to keep busy during my law school classes. Because really, who wouldn't rather read about the escapades of this spicy lady or the new projects of these crafty gals than listen to a two and a half hour lecture on payment systems? (I'm not exaggerating, that's really how long that class is, and it's very, very dull. And also quite pointless. Except that it's on the bar. So I guess it's relevant until the end of July. After that, it's pointless.)

I think it'll be good. "Good" in that I will find it fun, and honestly, that's all I'm looking for in anything lately. You know those "25 Random Things About Me" lists going around on Facebook? And you know how everyone writes something like "#13: this is really hard, I can't think of that many things to say about myself! Lol!!!" I don't get that. I could write a freaking book on myself every day, because I am incredibly self-centered and find myself and my thoughts endlessly fascinating. So here I go.