Which solves all the external yuckiness (or it will, once I am replaced and out of here), but I'm still plagued by a tiny but niggling voice suggesting that some of the dissatisfaction may be internal. Wouldn't that be unfortunate.
I feel like I should have everything figured out by now. That by 26 (almost 27), I ought to know what I'm doing. Or, at the very least, where I am headed. I think that by doing the college-then-law-school thing, I fooled myself into thinking I had a plan, and that I wasn't susceptible to this kind of drift. But school ended, and with no more marked trail to follow (freshman, sophomore... 2L, 3L), I've lost my momentum. And in the process learned that momentum is very key to my ability to get anywhere.
So now I drift. I'm just bobbing along, hoping to wash ashore of wherever I'm meant to be and thus avoid the scary (probably inevitable) fact that such washing does not happen. At some point, I'm actually going to have to choose.
Fortunately, thanks to this job, I know better what I am not willing to compromise. And while it would be hugely unwise for me to detail the ugliness of my short foray into legal assisting here (even understanding that I have at most 5 followers - Hi Aunt Sue!), I will at least defend my decision by declaring that the objective unpleasantness of this position justified my leaving. For reals. And this will always be true, even in the event that my life unfolds in a way that proves me to be a quitter at heart.
(But uuuuuhhhg, I hope that's not what happens.)
Stay tuned.
(Bye Aunt Sue!)
Love, J
I guess you could always have a baby. . . . hahahaha!! That would get you on the track to motivation (maybe) and it is for sure something that you can't quit on :) Maybe that will solve the possible internal/external conflict?? Totally kidding, I know you will figure out what you really want. And good for you for moving on and trying to find something that will really make you happy! I am totally cheering you on, baby or no baby ;)
ReplyDeleteI found myself being able to relate to this post. Once I read about a guy who had a goal of having 50 different jobs in 50 different states in a year. Talk out never satisfied...or nomadic...or maybe just crazy. He also had a goal of going on 50 different dates, one in each state. He succeeded at that job part, failed in the dating.
ReplyDeleteHa! Nat, that would be the most difficult easy way out ever.
ReplyDeleteAnd Mal, it seems like the dating part would be easier than the jobs. Did he write a book about it or something? I'd be sooo sick of job hunting after, like, state #4.
Find yourself...who says the first job has to define what you end up doing? In fact, I would venture to guess that most people's first jobs were most definately not what they ended up doing so ... change direction and try again, you'll figure it out, just be patient ;-) Sheilah
ReplyDelete